i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
