I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
