Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
