i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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