If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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