i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
