I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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