Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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