Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
