and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
