I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize