It's Friday. Sex?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
