We won't sleep together?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
