So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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