I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
