So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
