What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize