I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
