At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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