My nipple is on Facebook.
i permit you to call me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
