It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
