Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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