next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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