I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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