We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
