put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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