you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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