ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
and you fell through a lawn chair
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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