nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Less talking, more tequila
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize