I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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