highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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