She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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