just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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