Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
