it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
