We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
