I'm going to jail i love you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
