Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
