i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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