We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
