i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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