you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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