please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
