If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
