he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
