My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
