Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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