he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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