apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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