she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
