Walk of Shame. In a state park.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
