i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
