1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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