How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
