I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
