In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
