hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
