All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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