I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
