I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize