why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
