would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
