I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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