my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
