Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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