omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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