Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
