It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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