Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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