you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
