Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
