When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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