I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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