At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
