You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
