I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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