You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
