Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
