pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
