end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
